pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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