It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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