I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
