is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
PANTIES FOUND
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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