we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
