bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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