i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
