and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
