Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
