I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this is an emotional support booty call
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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