shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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