I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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