my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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