I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am available for nakedness
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
