Cold hands, warm shart.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
