I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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