it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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