be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
