you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
