According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
