And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
