he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
