ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
