My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
