everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
