I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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