Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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