You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
