Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
