Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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