We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
