Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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