I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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