i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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