there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
