I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
