I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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