Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
