well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
