i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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