just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
