so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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