Its about making memories worth repressing
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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