i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
