Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
