Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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