i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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