Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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