I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
