i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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